Quote:DON'T LAUGH!

Well, you can laugh when I've finished.

Sooooooo, I just have to tell someone this. The most embarrassing thing happened to me today. Like, REALLY mortifying. First I need to tell you even more embarrassing sh*t so you have some background

When I had [my daughter], she gave me a haemorrhoid. One single pile from pushing a baby out of my hooha isn't bad in my book, and when the surgeon was stitching my hooha back together, he snipped it off. The day after my 39th friggin birthday, it popped back to say hi. I was like

I went to the chemist to buy some haemorrhoid cream and I was too embarrassed to get it because the person on the cash register was a guy  young enough to be my kid. So I left it and thought I'll just get it delivered with my supermarket  order.

I know you're giggling already.  ><

So anyway, I put my grocery order in and added the Anusol cream. What a name for it...
The order got delivered tonight by a really attractive delivery guy. He hands me the order sheet and says there are a couple of substitutions, (this is normal when they don't have something in stock) and off he goes to the van to get my stuff. Sure as hell, the first thing on the list is the Anusol cream being substituted for Anusol ointment. Again with the

I think, its ok, it will be in a bag and I can just sort of put that one at the back while I'm signing for it all. NOPE!
He trundles up with my 4 crates of groceries and there it is, sitting proudly on top of the whole order with a neon green SUBSTITUTES sticker on it. Does he pretend he doesn't see it? Noooooo. He takes it and hands it to me. I sort of squeak "yeah" and throw the damn tube in the next room. After he hands me the rest of my order and leaves I look at [my daughter] and she's on the f*cking floor laughing. NEVER ORDER YOUR PILE CREAM ONLINE!