Suicide as escape from the Self

[Lurker.In.The.Night]

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2408091

[Eight Ball]

One of the ways I look at suicide is as a sort of extreme form of self exorcism, whereby we eliminate the hated self, as we are unable to rip it out of ourselves. I remember before one attempt I looked at my body in the mirror and cried for the poor old reliable mule that was the body I was about to kill. I felt such horrible pity for it, and for the parts of me that were good, that they too, must die... It seemed horribly unfair that I could not give this body to a quadriplegic, or someone dying of cancer that wanted to live.

[Lurker.In.The.Night]

One of the ways I look at suicide is as a sort of extreme form of self exorcism, whereby we eliminate the hated self, as we are unable to rip it out of ourselves.  I remember before one attempt I looked at my body in the mirror and cried for the poor old reliable mule that was the body I was about to kill.  I felt such horrible pity for it, and for the parts of me that were good, that they too, must die...  It seemed horribly unfair that I could not give this body to a quadriplegic, or someone dying of cancer that wanted to live.

(hug)

It's remarkable that you could see anything good about yourself at all. I'm not sure, at that moment, that last penultimate moment…that I could've said the same. 

Is there some way you could order your body be used for such and such after your death? To donate parts of it to others? That way you could have that wish in a way, except for the whole diseased brain part which should just be tossed in the trash methinks. 

[Eight Ball]

Dearest Lurker.In.The.Night,

I'm just loving that Hug!!!!!!  And, I'm sending you back a Great Big Bunch of Big Bear Hugs (I'm very strong "for a woman", and love to pick up those I hug and spin them around!)
                               

 I am one of those weird folks that is stuck on a fence... In other words, I have many conflicting, contradictory selves, I can see everyones' point of view.  And, somehow, I could always see my best, the beautiful self embedded in the horror, the terror, the vengeful self-hatred and the murderous rage of the broken glass and razor blades that are what I consider my "true self".  And, there is a seriously unbalanced, murderous part of me that wants so very much to kill it (The "good" part of me just cannot bear the "Bad" part of me).  The psychiatrists, therapists, and other medieval alchemists, plague doctors and such, say I'm not schizophrenic, as I hear only my own voice, but that doesn't mean I exist as only one person.

 One of my greatest problems is my extreme oversensitivity, my utter sadness and grief over the unending suffering going on in the world - the horror, anger and disgust I feel at the greed, the ignorance, the barbarous stupidity perpetuated by the human race that is always going on in the world, the fact that in the same time we have doubled in population we have now destroyed 50% of wildlife on earth (as of 2014), that we are destroying the only true beauty that exists and that we also depend on for our very survival - the natural world.  Did you know that 150 to 200 species go extinct EVERY F%#€$ing DAY?  Did you know the earth is now skirting the very edge of the habitable zone as the sun's gravity draws it closer every year which rises the temperature and blows away more of our protective atmosphere (they also call it the Goldilocks Zone)?  Did you know that the climate change we are experiencing is a result of the emissions of the 70's - as there is a 40 year lag in the time it takes for our pollution to have a noticeable effect on a global scale?... Just imagine what's on the horizon...  

Vulnerability Reflected in Genes: Some children more sensitive to their environments, for better and worse
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/201...203008.htm

Climate-Change Summery and Update:
http://guymcpherson.com/2014/01/climate-...nd-update/

Nature Bats Last:
http://guymcpherson.com

  But, what's funny is, that since I realized that I may actually see the merciful end of the plague of the human race, maybe see the sixth greatest extinction in action (I started studying the greenhouse effect in 1978, and after my own studies and continuing research, I'm with the side of the scientific community that sides with Dr. Guy Mc Pherson and believes it will l go down around 2030-40).  So now, I'm actually a bit less prone to think of killing myself!   I hate humanity so very much, and at the same time love it beyond reason, but I hate it with an unbearable passion more than I love it most days.  So, the thought of seeing us in the process of extinction gives me a will to live I didn't have before! (Some people may consider this sickening, but I'm not exactly "well" so I don't give a rat's ass.  Plus, I'm one of those old school feminists from 1970's who chose to sterilize myself because I believe overpopulation is the root that is driving the wholesale destruction, the extinction of our beautiful natural world - climate change or not).

 Sometimes I think my attempts at self-abbreviation are not about solely destroying myself, but are my way of destroying this horrible contagion that is the human race (at least if my reality is destroyed, All things will be extinguished).

 I've already arranged to donate my corpse to a medical teaching hospital, or if too degraded, to be burnt and scattered anywhere without ceremony or memorial.  But, if it were possible to donate my body to one who needed it and wanted to live, I would do it without hesitation.  I just lost someone to cancer who was an incredibly inspiring musician, and still had so very much to give to the world.  I would have given heaven and earth to exchange bodies with him so he could live on and continue to create, and I would finally be allowed the dignity of choosing the time of my own death. (Not sure how much he'd like being in a female body, though...)