Writings Done By Me While Depressed

[Light]

Here are two writings I did today in school while feeling depressed:

"Sometimes I feel so alone. I am surrounded by smiling faces yet I am the one without one. I know I should be happy but I just cant feel that emotion it seems. I wish I could end it all. Ill be walking upstairs at my school and get the urge to fling myself over the railing. No one gets me. They always just tell me to get over it. They act like its no big deal and that I should be able to get past it. I cant though, I just cant. I am beginning to hate myself. I am so pathetic and worthless. I dont deserve to live. I dont fit in, I feel like I dont belong on this planet. I wish I were an alien, at least then I would have an excuse to feel this way. Oh Gods please end my suffering now. I look at others problems and look at mine and all I can say is im weak. If im this weak how can I make it through life? Im not needed, all I do is cause pain. I feel like im burdening my friends with my problems. I know people are just being polite. No one really cares how I feel. I hope the end comes soon."

"Depression....sometimes it makes me feel sad, sometimes mad, and even numb at times. Why, I always ask. Why me? What did I do wrong to deserve this? I often think I must just be weak because I cant deal with this life. Why cant I? My life right now isnt that bad. I feel like im losing my sanity, like im going to fall off the deep end. But will that fall be literal or figurative? How much will it hurt, or how much better will it feel? Life seems dark and hopeless right now. People always tell me things will get better but will they? How do you know? What if it never does, then what? It would be better if I were dead. I dont even enjoy life. Whats the point of living just to live? Why continue living if you dont enjoy it and all you feel is pain or nothing. I hope it all ends soon, I dont want to be here in this physical body anymore. I dont care what happens after I die. Its my idea to die and its this I shall pay for if it need be. Gods please let it all end soon."

I know their not too good but they were written as a stream of thoughts not as a poem.

~Light~

[JenniLynne]

I liked your thoughts.... Thank you so much for sharing them.....

Peace,
Jenni

[Cordelia]

Light, they are your thoughts. thank you for sharing them.
I relate to them in sadness because i have had similar thoughts myself.

thank you for sharing part of your inner world.

it's an honour,

warm wishes,
Cordelia

[Dragon]

Hey Light,  depression is a real bear;  "They" tell me that depression is a normal part of life, and then I tell them that it can't be normal all the time.  I've wanted, so many times, to take that step that would let me 'not be'.  My heart says that there has to be a purpose for being here and my brain ask "Just what might that be?' Sure wish someone could come up with an answer.

I took a look at your website, did you write much of that?  If you did, it's well written and well thought out - but you're not 16 any more ( are you?? ). 

Peace, Light //al

[Light]

Hey Light,  depression is a real bear;  \"They\" tell me that depression is a normal part of life, and then I tell them that it can't be normal all the time.  I've wanted, so many times, to take that step that would let me 'not be'.  My heart says that there has to be a purpose for being here and my brain ask \"Just what might that be?' Sure wish someone could come up with an answer.

I took a look at your website, did you write much of that?  If you did, it's well written and well thought out - but you're not 16 any more ( are you?? ). 

Peace, Light //al

Yes I wrote all of that it was an explaination I had originally wrote for my mom because I was having trouble with her accepting that I wasnt Christian anymore. No im not 16 anymore, I just havent updated it yet. Im 17 1/2 right now. 1/2 year till im 18 lol

[adonais]

Aw man, that is waay to young to be in this place.. You gotta live a little first. All right, you can chew me out, I don't know your situation. But just thinking back to myself at 17, I was such an ignoramus, I didn't know anything about the world aside from this little corner of the universe where I had grown up (I was very immature, and took a long time to "grow up"). Granted, I matured into a psychopathological mess - but that's not the general rule, most people improve with age, like a good wine. I guess I'm corked. Well, just my 2c.

[Dragon]

Adonais, I'd agree with you about it being too young to be in this place; but I also remember what I felt like at 18.  If someone had given me an easy way ouut then, I think I'd have probably taken it.

Light, don't let Adonais kid you, he's so old he's even afraid to how his age!! Me, on the other hand, well, I knew Methuselah when he was a kid ... yep, older than dirt!

Peace, Light //al

[EyeScream]

@ Light and Adonais:
I think age is relative; there are young people who are mature beyond their years, and adults who are incredibly immature.
Not everyone at 17 is an ignoramus. I will concede that most are, but I don't think those people would come here, at least not continually.
As for my age, I like to make people guess : ) It's more interesting that way.