looking for a friend, especially in New York

[haywud]

I've tried this on so many other forums without success, though I thought I would try here anyway. I won't say exactly what part of NY publicly, though I will say privately in case anyone messages me about it and actually lives in the state too. I really want to make a friend in my area, or even if I could meet someone that wouldn't be too far from here that might be okay too. Because of my depression, and especially the anxiety, it's really hard to not only get out but also to meet anyone at all. I try meeting local people online because it's easier for me to talk online than it is in person, though I've had no luck at all. I figure if I could meet someone online we could chat in text at first until we were comfortable with one another, then try some sort of voice chats and eventually meet in person.

I'm not going to be picky at all, if I could make a nice friend I wouldn't care about things like age or gender or anything like that as long as we could get along well enough. I also don't want to restrict myself to just meeting local people because I know there's probably no chance of that actually happening, so I'm willing to chat with just about anyone if you're looking for someone to talk to. As I said I have to feel comfortable with someone before I will try anything other than text, and I'm usually hesitant to try instant messaging right away too, but they are things I will try once I'm comfortable enough. So if you live in NY or are just looking for someone to talk to please message me. I've said a little on my profile about myself, though it isn't much and if anyone wants to know anything else just ask and I will answer as long as it isn't too personal. Anyway, if you took the time then thank you for reading this.

[SuperHeroAnimals]

This is a great idea!

I met someone on a site such as this one, and we are now very close friends. She lives in Sweden (!), but it feels like she is right around the corner. We talk off-and-on every day without fail, and have done so for almost 12 years now.

She is my dearest friend!

[haywud]

That's really cool to hear, and I'm glad you've been able to form that kind of a friendship! It's also ironic that you would mention that, because I have a story I'd like to share.

I email a girl from Sweden. I met her in March of last year on an anxiety site that I tried for a while, and she's just the sweetest person I've ever met. She really suffers from anxiety and slight depression so we have only ever talked in text, but her messages are something that I really look forward to. Last year around July I left her a message saying I wanted to die, and not long after that some police showed up at the door. They called for an ambulance to take me to the hospital, and while waiting they asked if I knew someone from Sweden. Of course I knew right away that there could have only been one person to have made that call, and I've thought of her as someone really special ever since then. She's the only person I've ever known that has actually done something for me, and while I hate to admit that I threw away the chance at help that she gave me I will NEVER forget what she did. I cry thinking about her because she's just that special to me, and I'm not sure what it is but the feeling I have for her is something completely different from anyone I've ever known. Just reading you mention Sweden made me cry because this girl is all I ever think of when I see anything to do with Sweden.

[UnicornSmudge]

Awww you guyssss! Those are both such sweet stories. I'm going to go to sleep thinking of your sweet Swedish friends ♡

[Dragon]

@haywud I like the way that you suggest that you'd like to "meet" someone in New York (he's not in the city, BTW) but then leave yourself open to texting / chatting with people who aren't.

I'd have to colour myself out of any type of chatting relationship since I'm not one to "just chat" (ask anyone who's talked to me on the phone, I take care of business and the call is done) If I'm on the phone for 30 minutes, you're working on a record!

I live in a tourist area and while I really enjoy talking with people for a few minutes about where they're from and what they plan to do here - the idea of exchanging phone numbers for later chatter just doesn't even come into play.

I wish you a lot of luck finding someone with whom you can chatter ... it must be nice to be able to "just chat"

[haywud]

@haywud I like the way that you suggest that you'd like to "meet" someone in New York (he's not in the city, BTW) but then leave yourself open to texting / chatting with people who aren't.

I'd have to colour myself out of any type of chatting relationship since I'm not one to "just chat" (ask anyone who's talked to me on the phone, I take care of business and the call is done)  If I'm on the phone for 30 minutes, you're working on a record!

I live in a tourist area and while I really enjoy talking with people for a few minutes about where they're from and what they plan to do here - the idea of exchanging phone numbers for later chatter just doesn't even come into play.  

I wish you a lot of luck finding someone with whom you can chatter ... it must be nice to be able to "just chat"

I'm usually not too good with just chatting either, which is probably a reason why I have so much trouble trying to make friends. I usually never know what to say unless the other person can help push along the conversation. If I have something to say then it's not much of a problem, otherwise I usually sit in silence which I'm sure most people don't want to deal with.

[SuperHeroAnimals]

That's really cool to hear, and I'm glad you've been able to form that kind of a friendship! It's also ironic that you would mention that, because I have a story I'd like to share.

I email a girl from Sweden. I met her in March of last year on an anxiety site that I tried for a while, and she's just the sweetest person I've ever met. She really suffers from anxiety and slight depression so we have only ever talked in text, but her messages are something that I really look forward to. Last year around July I left her a message saying I wanted to die, and not long after that some police showed up at the door. They called for an ambulance to take me to the hospital, and while waiting they asked if I knew someone from Sweden. Of course I knew right away that there could have only been one person to have made that call, and I've thought of her as someone really special ever since then. She's the only person I've ever known that has actually done something for me, and while I hate to admit that I threw away the chance at help that she gave me I will NEVER forget what she did. I cry thinking about her because she's just that special to me, and I'm not sure what it is but the feeling I have for her is something completely different from anyone I've ever known. Just reading you mention Sweden made me cry because this girl is all I ever think of when I see anything to do with Sweden.

Hope you two are still in touch!

By the way, while living in California, I once had to call 911 for a suicidal friend in Washington state. It was a big deal, 'cause you cannot just call 911 in a different state, or even get an operator to connect you. So, what I had to do was, I called my 911, worked to convince them that, yes, I really did have a friend in Washington dying at that very moment, and then they connected me with 911 in her part of Washington. At that point, I then had to start all over and convince them that I really did have a friend semi-conscious and dying. It was hard because I only knew her name and phone number; I didn't have an address to provide, so they had to use a reverse directory.

Anyhow, my point is, if it was that hard for me, a US citizen, to get 911 help for my friend in another state, I can only imagine how difficult it was for your Swedish friend to get you help. You have one good friend, there!

My phone is merely a utility, so I only briefly text/talk when absolutely necessary. Hate phones, for some reason. I do email, though. I am great at email!

[haywud]

Yes we do still keep in touch, in fact I need to finish working on an email yet I'm struggling finding what I want to say to her.

That sounds like it must have been pretty rough to do. Not only knowing your friend was potentially in trouble, but also just trying to get help for them. Like what do you even say when trying to make that call, and I'm sure the operator might be confused as well. Hearing you story makes me wonder even more how my friend was able to make that call. I've never asked, but I imagine it wasn't as simple as picking up a phone and dialing. It was similar to what happened with you, except this girl only knew my name and the city where I lived.

I'm right there with you about phones. Mine is basically there as an emergency tool almost. Email is something I prefer too. When I get comfortable with someone I typically try and get them to email me instead of using things like forums and whatnot to chat.

[SuperHeroAnimals]

If you are struggling to communicate, perhaps try writing about neutral things at first?

Yeah, it was tough to get help for my friend. I was talking to her on the phone while she was trying to CTB, so I knew exactly what she was doing: taking massive amounts of psych meds of various types, drinking a huge amount of alcohol, and cutting deep. By time I called, she was really out of it and kept saying, "I don't know why I am still conscious!" She outed herself, when I asked, and told me everything. Even so, with all that information, it was hard to get the 911 people to take my call seriously, especially given I only knew her name and phone number.

After it was all over and she was (eventually) released from the hospital, she did not remember speaking to me during the event. She said that she was told, several days after the event when conscious and semi-functional, that the fire department had kicked down her front door and found her unconscious on the floor in a pool of blood. She could not figure out how they knew to come after her.

They say, love is not about what we say but about what we do. I guarantee, what your friend did was very difficult. She must truly care deeply about you.

[haywud]

I did send her a quick message, mentioning that I was having a hard time finding what to say. I expressed a little more of what she means to me and sent her a poem I wrote, and hopefully I can clear my head and give her a proper reply soon.

Wow, she was really trying to just put an end to things then wasn't she. If you didn't do something she probably wouldn't be alive. It's really sad that the 911 operator didn't take you seriously, I don't understand that at all you would think they would take all calls seriously regardless of the situation. She's lucky to have you for a friend, because I'm sure a lot of people wouldn't have been able to make that call so I really respect you for doing that.

I know I care deeply about her, and while I've been too shy to admit it in the past I've tried letting her know in my most recent messages. She may not feel the same way about me, or maybe she does and just won't say, but ever since that day she called I can't view her as just a friend she's meant much more than that.