The Universal Vending Machine

[UnicornSmudge]

...and out pops a hypoallergenic breed (just to be safe) puppy (complete with owner's manual and a voucher for vet bills and canine diet pup food) to bring you present joy in place of past memories.

So i toss in all the water I'm constantly draining from my A/c unit

[SuperHeroAnimals]

(Ah, I wanted the puppy! Oh well....)

...and out pops a giant fishtank, stocked with tropical fish, coral, sand ... the whole shebang.

Being allergic to fish of all sorts, I take a couple puffs of my bronchodilator and then toss that mess right back in!

[UnicornSmudge]

...and out pops some "dead man's chest" covered in barnacles, muscles, seaweed, amd sea slime... and full of random ancient valuables and a couple bottles of highly questionable rum (considering centuries of being lost at sea!)

So i toss the rum and some seaweed back in, and take the loot home to inspect...

[SuperHeroAnimals]

...and out pops some indescribably delicious Chinese main course. A little on the tangy side.

So, as I try to manage chopsticks, I kick off my black dress oxfords, the ones that cause me such pain, and toss them in ...

[Dragon]

... and out pops a pair of well used, soft as doeskin Wellingtons

So I toss in one pair of stinky sox (or is that socks?)

[SuperHeroAnimals]

...and out pops a few gallons of flithy grey dirty-sock water! Major yuck!

"Not interested," I say, and so I pour the filthy grey dirty-sock water right back into the machine ...

[UnicornSmudge]

... and out pops a fishtank with lobsters peering outside! Yes plz!

I grab one of the lobsters and tell him he's the lucky one, and toss him back into the machine...

[SuperHeroAnimals]

... and a MONSTER lobster squeezes its way out of the chute! Needless to say, chicken that I am, I run run for my life, monster lobster in pursuit.

About half an hour later, a homeless man walks by, finds a dollar on the ground, puts it into the vending machine, punches the button for Coke Classic, ...

[Dragon]

... and out pops a warning notice that Coke contains the carcinogenic caffeine and an inordinate amount of sugar in various forms. I don't need this, just gimme the blasted caffeine!!! ... er, Coke!!!

Tosses warning notice back into the vending machine!

[UnicornSmudge]

...and out pops a STOP sign. Although these sre illegal to possess, they are great decor so i attempt to shove it into my car.

I first unbolt it from the 4x4 post, and throw that back into the machine...

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@Dragon
@SuperHeroAnimals

Your additions made me laugh a lot last night. I really appreciate both of your humor(s?)!