Understood

[jman197]

Jman mentioned in group yesterday that he has a suicidal thought a least once a day usually and it got brushed off like it was just normal. It wasn't understood that it's not just thoughts it's rationalizing if Jman is better off dead, if death is a better option than living for him. It's looking around his house thinking of ways he could hurt himself with it's not keeping his razors in his bathroom because it's too dangerous. No one seemed to realize what he meant and it hurt so much and made Jman feel alone.

[Dragon]

@jman197 You know you're not alone - we're here and believe me the Dragon understands! As he's gotten older the desire to die has become more of a background thing, but let something go wrong and it's right on the front lines.

We're surprised that your facilitator (group leader?) for the group didn't pick up on it and bring it up as a topic. But then, as we all know "They won't suicide, it's all an attention grab" or alternatively "I didn't really think he meant it ... you know, just talk!" or any one of a few hundred different things people say because they don't know how it feels to want to not be here.

[jman197]

The facilitator said that it's common for mental health patients to have suicidal thoughts. Jman doesn't think he truly realized what I meant by what I said. He also has mental illness himself so maybe he didn't want to go into anything about what Jman said because of that. Either way it made Jman feel like it was not important or understood. It really hurt Jman's feelings.

[UnicornSmudge]

@jman197 man, that's a bummer, to put it lightly. I mean, it takes a lot of courage to come out with something like, I've been having suicidal thoughts everyday, especially in a group setting. And then, for this to just be brushed aside can not only make you feel alienated, but also, in my perspective this is the group that you should bring these concerns to, to get help and support, and so having your plea be ignored just really , and can even even bring on a sense of helplessness or hopelessness since you haven't been listened to or validated as a result of you bringing this up in your group.. Especially, considering how low you've been feeling lately. I'm really sorry it just seems like a rough week for you. You know we're here though, and we're glad that you keep us abreast of how you're feeling and what's going on.
I'm glad that you feel this is a safe place to come to with these things though, even though we're not within your Locale, we can at least offer support from afar. I am really sorry also to hear your initial issue, that you are having these thoughts and feelings daily. I really struggle so much when I'm in those depths, so I can imagine how much the struggle you're having within yourself, since you mention having those thoughts at least daily. Please let us know if there is any extra way that we can be supportive to you here. We care, and it concerns us that you're hurting so much.
Sorry unicorns didn't really put this in third person, her brain isn't fully functioning right now, so this is about as good as it gets.

[jman197]

Jman is glad that people here understand him and how he feels. He feels that this place is such a good support to him and he would like to thank everyone here. It has been a hard two weeks for him other than a few bright spots. He knows that people here will always listen and tell him to stay strong. Sometimes that's all Jman needs, someone who will listen and not judge, not tell him it gets better but just support him through the hardships that comes with it his problems. He hopes that all of you know that he cares about you.

[Alone]

Alone is sorry jman197 is hurting. Alone thinks that jman197 is cared about here and is worried about. Above all jman197 is heard. Alone would like jman197 to be safe and strong. Alone will not judge jman197 only support him through this rough time. Alone hopes jman197 will be feeling better soon. Alone would want to know from jman197 anything that would be helpful to seeing him to felling better.

[Dragon]

The Dragon finds that last line in @Alone post, "Alone would want to know from jman197 anything that would be helpful to seeing him to felling better." especially helpful - interesting.

If we have a leaky roof people don't tell us to climb on the roof to fix it, they offer suggestions about who to have come patch it. When we need surgery for appendicitis, for example, we don't tell ourselves that "we can do this, we don't need no stinking help" we go find a doctor (or at least the Dragon hopes we do.) So why, when it comes to emotional problems are we told to "tough it out"??

By asking what we can do that would be helpful, Alone shows a lot of concern - does anyone know better than we what it is *we* need?

[jman197]

Jman just needs someone to listen and be willing to truly be there when he needs support. Not offer solutions all the time but just be there for Jman to talk to when he need an ear. Sometimes he doesn't need to be told ways to fix things he just needs somebody willing to take the time to let Jman talk his way though his problems. If that makes any sense.

[Alone]

I’m listening

[jman197]

Jman just feels alone, even in a crowd of people. He feels like he deserves the pain he gets, that it's karmic justice for all the pain he's caused. Jman is tired of being alone but won't do anything to change that because he doesn't believe anyone could love him. He's a monster, or so he thinks. He doesn't even love himself so how could anyone love him. Jman doesn't believe right now that he will ever be able to survive without someone living with him because he can't stand to not have someone in the house with him, even if they never talk to him it's just the presence of someone. His roommate says that he has good in him, but he doesn't see it. All Jman sees is a mistake, a failure, someone that deserves death because maybe the world would be a better place without him.