A poem

[catenin]

I wrote this poem a few months ago:
i waited for you
anxiously
scared to demand your arrival
but more frightened to go on without you
practicing unusual patience
and then
after a few weeks
new information
a simple phone call
a stupid phone call
could be placed by anyone
but that was all that was needed
and you were on your way
the authorities said
“you must sign”
and I knew I couldn’t
so daily
and unique
pilgrimages home at midday
to await the arrival of the note saying
“you must sign”
so I could make other arrangements
yesterday I came  home
and there was no note
today I came home
and there was no note
but you were there
unsigned for
but present anyway
immediately I felt a weight lifted
a quickening of excitement
at the prospect of release
a small bottle
lightweight
filled with peace
an exit in a bottle
a vial of letting go
a way to stop this tired heart beating
a request for a desert island by my beloved
but you are for me
and now
it doesn’t matter
i don’t know why I still care about anything
mere habit
the force of a lifetime of being responsible
maybe ensuring that I have the freedom to act when the time comes
nothing matters
i can live with freedom
knowing that the door is always there
you will be there to carry me
to let the pain end
to stop the tears
to let me go
my treasure
my insurance
thank you


Also, if you'll indulge me, I got mad at all those "helpful" people in the world and made a website basically telling them off for being idiots:  www.hownottohelpasuicidalperson.webs.com  First it was just informational, but then I saw I could make a cafe press store, and came up with a couple of kind of funny tshirts.  I'm not trying to sell them, I just thought people here might appreciate the humor.