Shame

[Meliadus]

I guess that is the best word to describe the state I am in now.  I am ashamed for trying to garner attention and sympathy with my ridiculous actions and emotions.  I am ashamed because I can't seem to stop doing stupid things even though I should know better.  It's to the point that I can't even look at myself in the mirror now.  I hate what I have become, pathetic and weak.  I don't even feel like a person now, what I am is sub-human at best.  This is one of the parts of me I hate and I can't seem to get rid of no matter how hard I try.  I completely fucked up something good in my life and I fear it may be gone forever.