Universal Truths

[UnicornSmudge]

Universal Truths:

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

I would not have thought of this. I think this site is the most taboo thing i have... and I've already told my parents (closest relatives) and my therapist about it, sooo... i mean and i guess ASHspace methods page which is bookmarked... they kinda know about that but not by name... and if I'm dead who cares!

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

Or, it can be mortifying but should be relieving to come to an understanding and end the argument.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

... never had this problem. If they couldnt find me when i was little, they knew to look for me in a bed somewhere, i always loved sleep. Still love naps!

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

Yes Plz

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

Umm... i just roll it up. Usually i just wash, dry, and remake the bed with the same sheets to avoid this issue

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

Yes! It's way quicker to take illegible notes during lecture if you don't pick the pen up between letters... most of us seemed to use a cursive-print hybrid...

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm sure I
know how to get out of my neighborhood.

.... but, when I'm leaving your neighborhood, i can't remember if i turned right or left two blocks away!

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

So would funerals and wakes!

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

... le sigh...

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

Usually. Sometimes they make bad secrets.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

That's when i find a way to leave early...

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

... I've been ignoring Blu Ray...

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

Aaaaagh!!

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.

So sad! I line dry most of my clothes... which also helps humidify the room!

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello?  Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

Er... sorry... that's what i do! Unless it is very urgent...
"Oh thank god they didn't answer. Ill just call them back in 2 days or so if they try to reach me"...

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

Hmmm but if you see any strangers they don't know you and are thus fooled by your great looks and that can be a confidence boost of its own... and you can go back home and say, "oh boy!i didnt have to see anyone i know today, AND i looked great!"...

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

I go a step further. My phone contacts contain characters like "Ex. Do Not Answer", "fuck that guy", "Creeeepo", "Trouble", "do not talk to frank", and last but not least, "Wild Card" (one of my best party friends... gotta be prepared for those adventures)

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

Yes, but a dim one so when i am looking for icecream in the middle of the night i don't blind myself.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

Ask any bartender

20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

Especially when traveling through unknown cities!

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

Sometimes this is due to inebriation during the first viewing. also subtitles can really change perspective!!

22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

Amen

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

... or paint my nails... or eat soup...

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

Eat and then see about activity!

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

Just say NOPE really loud and motion to dance with the person. Because discussion should not be priority at a loud show. Save it for mid-night coffee afterwards

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent an ass from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

YES

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

Spoken like a true bachelor!
.... but, it is true... unless you spill mustard. Then must wash.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

It's not just you.

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

... depends on the beer...

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers.

I just hate everybody, but mostly cyclists

31. Sometimes I'll look down at my phone 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

Agh! Right! Why???

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pin the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my behind everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

...priorities....