Poem

[Light]

Thank you for your complements. The numbers show how many lines there are but also point out the fact that each of these statements are said by themselves. An example would be that you would say "shoulda been" pause "coulda been" pause "woulda been dead" etc. As for the letters at the end they make up the poems rhyme scheme, I learned how to make a rhyme scheme or at least determine a rhyme scheme in a poem in my English class.

[quote author=Light link=topic=1420.msg8764#msg8764 date=1266378446]
I know this little poem is kinda crappy but its my first time so be gentle in your criticism.


1. Shoulda been, (A)
2. Coulda been, (A)
3. Woulda been dead, (B)
4. If only I could get that bullet in my head. (B)
5. One shot ends my pains, ©
6. One shot spills my brains. ©
7. Finally it'll be the end, (D)
8. There's no more time to mend, (D)
9. Soon ill be going around that bend, (D)
10. Never to be seen again. (E)

thanks for sharing your poem. I have never seen this form of writing before.
what stikes me is the fracturedness of your writing, in that you make each line a statement by presenting a number before
it. I'm wondering if this is a reflection of your fracturedness inside?

I like that that you put letters after each line. i write poetry aswell and i see there is the ryhythm of your letters of A,A,B,B,C,C,D D,D, E.... It brings me to wonder of  the rhythyms of life and how i use them in my poetry. I also find it interesting that
letters at the end of each line could represent any word, in different world languages.
I'm not sure what the letters
mean for you though?

with best wishes




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