[Trigger] Death

[death_is_my_choice]

Ash was given up as a baby.  Ash has depression, anxiety, and possibly is bipolar.  Ash feels unloved and unwanted every single day of her life.  Ash is surrounded by people who say they care about her, but she still feels alone, because every time life gets tough they all abandon her.  Ash has all these mixed feelings, and doesn't know how to express them, so she cuts herself. All the time.  She sometimes goes a month or two without doing it.  She throws away her blades, but always seems to find something else.  She tells other people not to hurt themselves, or to be depressed, but she is a fucking hypocrite.  Ash doesn't feel like she has anything to live with.  She is constantly being called a slut, and being told that she should kill herself because she is a piece of shit.  She is finally ready to go.  She wants to do it this weekend, and is completely ready.  She knows she might hurt a few people, but mostly people will be happy that she FINALLY will off herself.  She knows how she wants to go, and she is accepting death with open arms.  She is ready.

[Dragon]

The Dragon would have to question whether Ash is really a hypocrite - it seems as if hypocrite has two definitions, one where someone criticizes others for doing things that the hypocrite does in secret, the other is where someone criticizes others for things the hypocrite does openly. The first, the Dragon thinks, is undoubtedly hypocritical, the second - not so much. Is Ash a hypocrite? That depends a lot on how she presents herself, the Dragon thinks. Is she saying that others shouldn't do what she does to try to prevent them from feeling the pain she does? There's nothing hypocritical in that ... is there?

We all judge ourselves - often we judge ourselves in the reflection of what others think of us or what others say they think of us. Does Ash personally feel she's a slut or does she just enjoy the feeling she derives from having sex? Too often, the Dragon thinks, we're much too critical of those who seem to enjoy having sex because our own backgrounds preclude us from that same enjoyment.

The Dragon is sorry that Ash isn't here, she sounds like just the type of person who would fit with us. On the other hand, DIMC (we abbreviate a lot of user names here, please don't be offended) it's good of you to speak up for her. She sounds like she needs a real friend.

@death_is_my_choice Welcome to our forum and I'm sorry if the Dragon seems to have gotten a little verbose with his answer.

[death_is_my_choice]

The Dragon would have to question whether Ash is really a hypocrite - it seems as if hypocrite has two definitions, one where someone criticizes others for doing things that the hypocrite does in secret, the other is where someone criticizes others for things the hypocrite does openly.  The first, the Dragon thinks, is undoubtedly hypocritical, the second - not so much.  Is Ash a hypocrite?  That depends a lot on how she presents herself, the Dragon thinks.  Is she saying that others shouldn't do what she does to try to prevent them from feeling the pain she does?  There's nothing hypocritical in that ... is there?

We all judge ourselves - often we judge ourselves in the reflection of what others think of us or what others say they think of us.  Does Ash personally feel she's a slut or does she just enjoy the feeling she derives from having sex?  Too often, the Dragon thinks, we're much too critical of those who seem to enjoy having sex because our own backgrounds preclude us from that same enjoyment.

The Dragon is sorry that Ash isn't here, she sounds like just the type of person who would fit with us.  On the other hand, DIMC (we abbreviate a lot of user names here, please don't be offended) it's good of you to speak up for her.  She sounds like she needs a real friend.

@death_is_my_choice Welcome to our forum and I'm sorry if the Dragon seems to have gotten a little verbose with his answer.

Ash is still here, but she doesn't know how long she can continue like this.  She wants to know what death feels like, but she is also terrified to try, because she is scared of failure.  She wants to succeed at something and life, and this seems like a good option

[Dragon]

Oops, @death_is_my_choice I'm certain that the Dragon didn't mean to suggest that Ash had already caught the bus. Third person discussion can be fun and interesting but sometimes they get to be confusing when we are, possibly, talking about ourselves in the third person.

[death_is_my_choice]

Oops, @death_is_my_choice I'm certain that the Dragon didn't mean to suggest that Ash had already caught the bus.  Third person discussion can be fun and interesting but sometimes they get to be confusing when we are, possibly, talking about ourselves in the third person.

If you can't tell, Ash is talking about herself.  She is the one who hates herself, and every person who I've ever dated, has dumped me or broken up with me, or they have cheated on me because I am too unattractive.  And I hate going to school, because I can tell how much it pains people to be friends with me.  I can tell that no one likes me.

[Dragon]

That's what sometimes makes third person "interesting" - if one assumes that it is, in fact, third person then you were speaking about Ash. But then, everyone knows that the Dragon is an old fart and has no idea what's happening most of the time.

[death_is_my_choice]

That's what sometimes makes third person "interesting" - if one assumes that it is, in fact, third person then you were speaking about Ash.  But then, everyone knows that the Dragon is an old fart and has no idea what's happening most of the time.

Ash is curious who the dragon is.  She doesn't want specifics, but she has seen him on many different forums.  She wants to know if the Dragon is a real person, or just a bot of the website.

[Dragon]

Well, I don't know about other Dragons - and there are a few - but this Dragon is an old man (and don't ask him how he got to that age, he has no idea) who is retired and lives in the southwest part of Texas, outside a town called Terlingua and between the Big Bend National Park and the Big Bend Ranch State park.

The last few years, since he retired, have been good for him since he lives alone (if you don't count three Huskies) and can go days without seeing anyone.

and, if you don't mind, he might say that he's a little offended that anyone would consider his scribbling the output from a bot! Is it *that* bad???

[death_is_my_choice]

That's what sometimes makes third person "interesting" - if one assumes that it is, in fact, third person then you were speaking about Ash.  But then, everyone knows that the Dragon is an old fart and has no idea what's happening most of the time.

Ash is curious who the dragon is.  She doesn't want specifics, but she has seen him on many different forums.  She wants to know if the Dragon is a real person, or just a bot of the website.

No lol. Ash used the wrong choice of words.  Administrator would have been a better word.  You're advice seems pretty good.  I don't know how I got this age either... I think it's finally time to (is it take the bus that they say?)

[Abzilla]

Abzilla is sorry that Ash feels unloved and unwanted. Abzilla hopes that Ash posts more here in the future.