Don't want to

[jman197]

Jman is ready for this life to end. But he won't kill himself yet. He has people around and he can't actually find a way to do it. But Jman knows that he doesn't want to live life like this. He tried to talk to his roommates last night and that helped last night but he feels sad all the time. He's tired of it. Jman just wants to slip into oblivion.

[jenjen]

Jman I totally understand. It actually hurts to live and you think what's the point. But you have been chosen for a special purpose which is to love your family and friends and let them love you. It's a painful journey but you must keep fighting to live. If you don't they will be devastated. Their lives will never be the same and there will be a permanent hole in their hearts. Your purpose is to live through what others can't. You are a special kind of warrior!! Just by being you. You bring joy to their lives. Fight hard fellow warrior!

[SuperHeroAnimals]

SHA wants to know if Jman understands why he feels so bad?

[jman197]

@SuperHeroAnimals  Jman feels this way because he can not let go of the past. He's living in guilt and shame and no matter what until he can let go he will never be happy.

[SuperHeroAnimals]

@jman197 If the guilt and shame live in the past, does that mean childhood? Generally, children are not responsible for their actions. Perhaps Jman is not responsible for what he did as a child?

Reality Test: If a child friend of Jman's did what Jman did at that age, would Jman hold the child responsible for what happened?

[jman197]

Jman was old enough to know right from wrong. He made stupid choices that resulted in him losing his dreams and losing family members. He would be upset with a person of the same age who did the same thing. Jman also will not say what he did as he does not feel comfortable talking about it

[SuperHeroAnimals]

Jman has the right to his privacy.

We all make stupid choices at one time or another. There can be forgiveness.

[Dragon]

@jman197 The Dragon knows all to well about the stupid choices we make. It would be nice if we could go back in time and undo the things we did - but we can't. The only way he sees of living with what he's done is to accept that he can't undo it and try to help others who have lived in the same shame and anger as he did.

[SuperHeroAnimals]

The SuperHeroAnimals know stupid choices, too. They once worked for NASA but were let go because they tried anti-depressants, a medication that caused them to try to CTB on NASA property. 

No more NASA. The SHA will never have that opportunity again. Once, they thought life was not worth living without NASA, BUT...

The SHA did it. It happened. It is over. Life goes on.

There is life after the stupid choice.

[Ashley]

Ashley would be Gramma Ashie and bake cookies and knit sweaters if she hadn't done dumb things she can't change.

But I did things I regret and didn't do things I wish I'd done and "family problems" involve kids I never want to see again as well as parents who still manage to be toxic from their expensive upscale retirement communities.

I'm not going to get political but heavens to Betsy....what Jman does choose to share with us is his courage, his responsibility for his own actions, and his utter refusal to....well, get political.

Jman is not a victim. He may have made some bad choices when he was younger, but he has never blamed anyone else for narrowing those choices or maybe leaving him with no other choice than the least bad thing.

I wish I knew where to get me some of that.