Chat Room
05-11-2009, 12:04 PM
As (nearly) always, I am VERY open to criticism of my works. My Muse departed many years ago, and I haven't written anything good in a long time, so I hope to get suggestions about what I'm doing wrong, or how a piece can improve. I recognize that I need to get back the feeling of meter, and right now I'm mostly drooling emotions onto the page, for example.
Background...I recently moved from where I lived for 16 years, and came to the realizatoin that my life is far worse than than when I started there. And yes, I know the sound referenced in the first one...and it matched exactly.
Moving On
One last glance
Before the packing tape
Tears off the roll and
Seals the last box
With the sound of a body bag zipping shut.
Copyright é 2009 Sadstguy
All Rights Reserved and all that.
Premature Interment
From within the boxes
I hear the mournful screams
Of a thousand memories,
Not yet dead,
Begging for release from their tombs.
Copyright é 2009 Sadstguy
All Rights Reserved and all that.
Background...I recently moved from where I lived for 16 years, and came to the realizatoin that my life is far worse than than when I started there. And yes, I know the sound referenced in the first one...and it matched exactly.
Moving On
One last glance
Before the packing tape
Tears off the roll and
Seals the last box
With the sound of a body bag zipping shut.
Copyright é 2009 Sadstguy
All Rights Reserved and all that.
Premature Interment
From within the boxes
I hear the mournful screams
Of a thousand memories,
Not yet dead,
Begging for release from their tombs.
Copyright é 2009 Sadstguy
All Rights Reserved and all that.